So a year and a half after making Aliyah – I have a confession to make…
I am not a huge fan of Israeli supermarkets.
It’s been a long time coming. At first, I loved them. I was
amused by the surly cashier, looking at me blankly when I asked for help
packing my shopping. How I laughed when all the items in my overflowing
shopping trolley wouldn’t fit on either end of the conveyor belt (design fault
anyone?). No shopping trolley to be found? Don’t worry, walk around the shop
until you find someone else’s and nick it.
But now, I’ve had enough. Today was the day that broke my happy
go lucky shopper attitude’s back.
For 25 years I pledged loyal commitment to my favourite
place ever – Tesco. I could never
understand my friends who bought ‘a few things’ in Sainsbury’s and would ‘pop’
into Waitrose if they were on the Finchley Road. No, I was a Tesco girl through
and through. But after making Aliyah, I have become a supermarket flirt.
Unable to commit to any of the local supermarkets due to
their complete lack of care for whether I ever return to their shop, or indeed, whether I keel over and die there, I have flitted and fluttered around freely,
trying each chain in turn, comparing prices (the price on the shelf is always
different to the one you end up paying) and ‘service’ (‘MUH??’) and knowing,
just knowing, that my Supermarket Prince is out there and soon, soon, he will
reveal himself to me.
But he’s not. And he didn’t. And I'm sad. I’m alone and lost
in a sea of crap Israeli supermarket chains.
Why are they so
crap here? Why? Not one of them wants my custom. Not one of them gives a monkey’s
whether I return next week or not.
They. Just. Don’t.
Care.
As an overly polite and courteous shopper myself (‘No, no
I’ll pack and take my 45 bags out to the car myself. I wouldn’t want to trouble
you to do your actual job’), now, I am slowly, changing…….
Today, I dropped two bottles of beer on the floor. Huge loud
smash. Totally my fault. All over the shop floor, all over the produce and most
importantly, all over me, the customer, the ONE WHO IS ALWAYS RIGHT. There was beer and broken glass everywhere.
In England, at my beloved Tesco, three assistants would rush
to help me. ‘Are you alright Madam?’, ‘Let’s get you away from that nasty
broken glass, shall we?’ ‘There, there love, cup of tea?’. Followed by the
comforting tannoy announcement (‘Ye, Derek, spillage in aisle 3 please mate’)
that tells you, the customer, that it’s OK and no, you don’t have to clear it
up yourself.
I waited for the rush of attention. I waited. But, Nothing.
The smash could be heard in the next town and yet not one
assistant in the relatively small shop moved a muscle. There was a lady
stacking shelves three feet away from me. Impossible to miss the noise, or the broken
glass that shot towards her feet and settled around her in a pleasing shiny
pattern and no way could she ignore the smell of spilt beer
around her vicinity.
But she didn’t even move.
Without the prospect of Derek from Tesco coming to clear the
mess away, I certainly didn’t want to risk being asked to do it, so I made a
quick escape to the crisp aisle, red-faced and sweating, frantically looking
around to check for the spillage police to investigate my clumsy mess. I pretended
to be frightfully interested in the ingredients of a packet of Doritos and
nonchalantly passed off my soaked t
shirt and jeans and stench of stale beer as an unfortunate drinking problem.
I needn’t have worried. No one took any notice whatsoever of
the lady covered in beer. No mops were brought out, no worried health and
safety official rushed over with a clipboard to assess the risk of broken glass
to other customers, no one seemed aware that I was slinking warily through the
shop, followed by the waft of beer.
I finished my shop and left. As I did, I caught a sly glance
at the drinks aisle on my way out.
The broken glass and spilt beer was still there as it had
fallen. Not one of the assistants had made any attempt to clear it up for the
benefit of other customers..
And I realized. They.
Just. Don’t. Care.
And so I have decided, in the future. Neither. Will. I.
I'm usually red-faced and sweating in the crisp aisle == but for reasons I'd rather not discuss here. ;-)
ReplyDelete(I prefer Sainsbury's, personally. But yes. Nice post!)
You made my day - had a good giggle.
ReplyDeleteAlyson
Gonna take you to Chetzi Chinam, not quite Tescos, but near enough.
ReplyDeleteKeep writing, Jo - you're funny :-)
Anita
Look forward to following your blog Jo!
ReplyDeleteExcellent first post.
ReplyDeleteLooking forward to the next one as soon as I finish wiping up the beer for you.
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ReplyDeleteWe say we are a hi tech country but shopping in Israeli supermarkets is like going back in time..
ReplyDeleteI was back in Ireland and at Dublin Tesco a few weeks ago and they offer little scanners to take around with you and scan items and then drop into your trolley/bag as you go along the store. How amazing is this? no need to go to the check out, all so simple.
At another supermarket in Dublin I gave my Israeli card to pay but my card wasnt a chip and pin (unheardof in Israel) so the teenager and his manager on the till were so confused with the very idea of simply signing with a pen for a credit card payment. Try using a cheque there, no way...
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ReplyDeletehysterical!
ReplyDeleteI've cried many a time at the supermarket...I try and avoid it like the plague. Now I understand what purpose a makolet serves!! Stil miss Waitrose!!!
ReplyDelete